Q: Did you hear about the "guilty nanny diet?"
A: A few healthy shakes in the morning, noon and night.

Q: How does a bartender make a Woodward martini?
A: Shaken not stirred, smooth as a baby's bottom.

Q: What's the definition of an Eappenism?
A: Abusing your baby and blaming the result on the nanny...
Uh, is this a joke or just a comment on the trial?

Q: What's the difference between the British Au Pair and a Sherwin
Williams paint mixer?
A: No one leaves their children unattended in the care of a paint mixer.

Q: Did you hear that new chicken dish that the Eapin's are having?
A: It's an old twist on the classic Shake and Bake.

And the best defence so far:
"Honest yeronner, I never knew what Eappened to Matthew!"