Did you hear that they dismissed the Lewinsky trial?
She swallowed the evidence.

Why does Clinton like to wear boxer shorts?
To keep his ankles warm!

Monica Lewinsky's lawyers were arguing with Clintons defense team when
Lewinsky's character was questioned by the former.  There may be some
validity to the rumers that Lewinsky had political motives she was, and
and may still be, persuing when...That's nonsense responded one of
Monica's attorneys, she didn't have a political bone in her body before
she got to the White House.

Bill Clinton always seems to be thinking with the wrong head.

Did you here they changed the name of the Oval office.
They found it more rewarding as the oral office

Bill Clinton called Johnny Cochran to reassemble the "dream team" but
this time it's called the "wet dream team".

If President Clinton practiced safe, monogamous sex, he wouldn't be worried about aides

It occurred to me that for a young woman, taking a job in the White House, these days, could be thought of as joining the "Piece Corps."

In a recent survey, 100 women were asked if they would sleep with Bill Clinton.  An overwhelming 94% said "Never Again!"

So it's about Bill Clinton's new revelations about his sex
life. Seems today he finally admitted that he had sex with Gennifer
Flowers a couple of times....but he didn't come.

What is the difference between the Titanic, and Bill Clinton?
They know how many people went down on the Titanic.

Did you hear? ? Gore is only one orgasm away from the presidency. ?

I'm only as old as the woman I feel.

The reason First Lady wears the pants in the house is because the
President can never keep his on !
 
Did you know that Hillary Clinton just wrote a new book?
It's titled, "It Takes a Village to Satisfy My Husband"

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office
to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims
the President. "It's this Abortion Bill, Mr. President, what do
you want to do about it?" the aide replies. "Just go ahead and pay
it." responds the President.

Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton are on the Titanic, when
it starts to sink. Carter yells "quick save the women and children",
Nixon "fuck the women and children", Clinton "do we have time"

What's the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter ? One
screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.

What's Bill Clinton's favorite movie ? sex lies and video tape

Volume on oil stocks are up huge. Clinton has been drilling in the
White House

What did Arafat say to Clinton? ....."sheep don't talk my friend

What did Clinton say when he heard Paula Jones was speaking to the
press? ....."NOW she opens her mouth"

What do Clinton and Nixon have in common ? a deep throat brought down
both their presidencies

What did Bill Clinton say when asked about Rawanda?
"I never touched her"

Al and Bill were discussing pre-marital sex. Al asked Bill, "I never slept with my wife before we were married, did you?" Bill
replied, "I'm not sure, what was Tipper's maiden name?"

Clinton is shaking hands with voters. "Pleased to meet you," says one old man, "I've heard a lot about you." Clinton laughs: "But
you can't prove any of it!"

At a news conference, a journalist said to the President Clinton, "Fawn Hall said publicly that you have a small penis. Would
you please comment on this." "The truth is," said Bill, "that she has a big mouth."

So it's about Bill Clinton's new revelations about his sex life. Seems today he finally admitted that he had sex with Gennifer
Flowers a couple of times...but he didn't come.

President Clinton said to Monica, "I didn't tell you to lie
in deposition... I told you to lie in THAT POSITION!"

How did Bill reply regarding questions of 'coaching'
Monica's testimony? "It wasn't words that I put in her mouth..."

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic? Only 1500
went down on the Titanic.

What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff"

In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with
President Clinton", 86% replied, "Not again"

One day, while Hilary was away, President Bill, feeling much lonely, decided to seek out a call girl. He found three such ladies
in a local lounge -- a blond, a brunette, and a redhead. To the blond he said:" I'm the President of the United States. How much
would cost me to spend some time with you?" She replied: "Two hundred dolllars." To the brunette he made a similar
proposition. Her reply was: "One hundred dollars." He then made the same proposition to the redhead. Her reply:
"Bill, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes, get my panties as low as my wages, get that thing as hard as
the times, keep it as high as gas prices, keep me warmer that my apartment, and screw me the way you do the
public, believe me, it won't cost you a cent."

President Clinton was out jogging when a Hooker standing
on the corner hailed him. "Hey Mr. President! Fifty bucks!" "No,
no." Bill replied with a grin, "Five bucks!" and kept on jogging.
This exchange soon became a part of the President's normal routine.
Each day as he'd  approach the corner, the hooker would yell out, "Hey Mr.
President...  Fifty Bucks!" and Bill would holler back, "No, Five
Bucks!"  Well, one day, Hillary decided she wanted to go jogging with
Bill. As  thy neared the corner, Bill suddenly realized what a terrible
scene was about to happen. Sure enough, there was the hooker, and just
like all the other  times she smiled and waved and yelled out, "Hey Mr.
President......See what you get for Five Bucks!"

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home
state of Arkansas.? On a venture  one day, they stopped at a service
station to fill up their car with gas.? It seemed that the owner of the station was
once Hillary's high school love.?

They exchanged hellos and then the White House couple went on their way.?
As they were driving on to their final destination, Bill put his arm
around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would now
be the wife of a service station owner."

She smirked and replied, "No!? If I had stayed with him, HE would be the
President of the United States TODAY!"

THE TOP 14 NICKNAMES FOR THE PRESIDENT'S MEMBER

14.     The Speaker of the House
13.     Free Willy
12.     Presidential Erection
11.     The Sin Doctor
10.     Hail to the Beef
9.      The Secret Servicer
8.      The Pocket Veto
7.      The Cabinet Member
6.      Titanic (because 1,500 people went down on it)
5.      The Gross National Product
4.      The Washington Monument
3.      The Commander in briefs
2.      The Washington Post
     and the #1 nickname for the President's member...

1.      The Executive Branch

They just renamed the airport in Washington D.C. as the Ronald Regan National.
It's a good thing they didn't name it the Bill Clinton National Airport
because all of the planes would be nose-diving into the bushes.

You can't blame Clinton!  If you were married to Hillary what would you do?
Even we conservative Republicans feel for the poor guy.

Bill just submitted a piece of legislation to amend the National motto
from "e pluribus unum" to "eatin' ain't cheatin"

You know the old business saying?  Profits are like sex, everybody thinks
there is more of it than there actually is, and they think somebody else is
getting most of it!  The truth is that the President is getting most of it!

Bill Clinton was overheard saying "I thought she was the HEAD intern".

Q. What are Clinton's favorite instruments? (No, besides that!)

A. the strumpet
A. the sex-a-phone
A. the whore-monica

The official bird of the USA has been changed from the eagle to the swallow

Bill Clinton really messed up by trying to cover up the scandal he should
have just let it all hang out.  oh, wait i guess he already did that.

Graffitti:  Monica is a vegetarian!

Did you hear about the new Barbie Doll?
It's called "Whitehouse Intern Barbie". It comes with color coordinated
little kneepads

You hear that Paula Jones was able to positively identify the distinguishing markings on Bill Clinton's genitals?  She correctly identified them as
Gennifer Flowers's lipstick!

Q: Why is Hillary always on top?
A:  Because Bill keeps screwing up.

Q: Why did Bill Clinton get his new dog Buddy?
A: So when he is in the Oval Office and Hillary hears him say, "lie down on the floor, rollover on your back and I'll give you a bone" Hillary
thinks he is talking to the dog.

Most Americans think it's outrageous that a man Mr. Clinton's age is getting sex from a 21-year-old, but he did get a nice
phone call from Woody Allen.

If Ronald Reagan was the Teflon President, does that mean that Bill Clinton is the Latex President?

I heard that after 37 visits from Monica, Bill has had more kneelings than the Pope.

No President has brought pleasure to as many Americans as Bill Clinton. And that's only counting the interns.

Bill Clinton -- the most hands-on President in history.

Bill Clinton has an explanation for the entire scandal: "Those young interns have big mouths and like to blow things out of
proportion."

Clinton broke the 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not put thy rod in thy staff

Army Sgt. Major McKinney, a married man alleged to be a sexual predator who would demand sex and later plead with the
women to cover up his conduct, faces 19 charges including obstruction of justice, assaulting an officer, indecent assault,
maltreatment of a subordinate and adultery. If convicted he faces loss of rank and 55 years in prison.
The most serious charge facing McKinney, however, is impersonating the Commander-in-Chief.

Q: What is Clinton's favorite brand of toothbrush?
A: ORAL B.

Hillary Clinton may be the First Lady, but she certainly isn't the last.

Q: How does Clinton divert his attention from the latest controversy?
A: He just keeps on plugging away.

Q: What did Ronald Reagan say after hearing President Clinton's latest State of the Union speech?
A: You know, Nancy, the man is a better actor than I ever was.

I heard that Monica Lewinski's new job may be Director of the Head Start Program.

It looks like more than coffees may stain the Clinton Presidency.

Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
    -the spread eagle

Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?
A: A screwdriver turns in screws, Clinton screws interns!

Advance script from the State of the Union Address:
  "FOUR  SCORES AND ..."

Bill and the Pope die on the same day. By accident St Peter sends them
to the wrong places. Bill goes to heaven and the Pope goes to hell. God,
realizing there's been a dreadful mistake, sends St Peter down to hell to
brings the Pope up to heaven. St Peter finds the Pope and takes him onto
the escalator to heaven -- where halfway up they meet Bill and start to talk.

"I'm glad it's all a mistake", says the Pope, "At last I'll be able to
realize my dream of meeting the Virgin Mary.

"You're five minutes too late!," replied Bill.

Q: What do the Green Bay Packers and Monica Lewinsky have in common?
A: They both blew the Big One.

.Q: Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
A: To keep his ankles warm.

Q: Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every day at 5 am?
A: She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.

A reporter asked Clinton one day. " Was Monica lying?"
Clinton responded by saying. " No she was on her knees.

Q: What is the name of Hillary Clinton's new White House intern?
A: Lorena Bobbit

Tony Blair goes to Ireland and asks Bill Clinton what he thought about the Northern Ireland Position, "Gee, I haven't tried that one before", Bill
replied.

Bill Clinton said on the news lat night that he was ready to take Saddam Hussein out. Saddam replied saying that it was okay as long as he
didn't have to sleep with him.

If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?

Greetings prospective White House interns! This year, our
program is heading into its 69th year of bringing
America's best and brightest to the Nation's Capitol to
help the "Head Man" do his job. We expect that 1998 will
be the most exciting one yet!

Why, you might be asking yourself, do I want to be a part
of this demanding, yet rewarding program? Check this out:

* Be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political
scene of the hottest city in the world!
* Get up close and personal with some of America's movers and shakers!
* See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won't show you!
* Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities!

Sound like it's for you?
Just listen to this testimonial from a former intern:

* "I couldn't believe it! After only a few months on the job
answering phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing
the president. Getting involved in executive branch affairs
is just fantastic."
M. Lewinsky, Beverly Hills, Calif.

As you can see, being a White House intern is more than
long hours, hot debates and touchy national issues.

Still interested? Fill out this information form and send it
back to the White House at president@whitehouse.gov

1. Name:
2. Hometown:
3. Sex: F__ Age:
4. Measurements: (required for medicalpurposes)
6. How many beers it takes to get you...
...Giggly:
...Drunk:
...Hot:
...To lie to a federal prosecutor:

* Quick quiz:

1. You've always considered the White House:
a)a monument to democracy
b)the place where great leaders meet
c)vaguely erotic
d)extremely erotic

2. Hillary Clinton is a(n):
a)model wife and mother
b)icon of late 20th century femininity
c)an obstacle
d)inappropriate companion for the leader of the free world

3. You've always wanted to know more about the President's:
a)Israeli policies
b)childhood in Hope, Ark.
c)romper room
d)"monument to democracy"

4. My social life as an intern would likely consist of:
a)hitting Georgetown bars with the other interns
b)reading, study
c)late nights working at the White House
d)late nights working the White House

Score:
1 point for each a,
2 for each b,
3 for each c,
4 for each d.
Scores of 16 can start tomorrow.
Scores of 12 and above, please call soon.
Scores of 10 and below, you are not qualified, sorry.

Uncle Sam wants you.

Top Ten Unusual Comments on Monica Lewinsky's Intern Performance Report
10. Truly an eager beaver.
9. Uses too much teeth.
8. Stays late, comes early.
7. Excellent oral dictation skills: has never missed a period.
6. Great attitude! Willing to accept a heavy load.
5. Frequently complains of jaw pain.
4. Although not a whiner, tends to be a moaner.
3. "In box" is always clean and shiny.
2. Tends to blab on the telephone.
And the best thing the President had to say about her...
1. This intern may suck, but she doesn't inhale.

Clinton Movie Titles
    1. All the President's Members
    2. Blowing My Way
    3. Blown out of the White House
    4. Creep Throat
    5. Deep Throat II
    6. Down and Out in Beverly Hills and Washington DC
    7. Fatal Attraction
    8. Forrest Hump
    9. Guess Who's Coming After Dinner
   10. Nightmare at 6900 Pennsylvania Avenue: Toothless People
   11. Shaft
   12. 6900 Pennsylvania Avenue
   13. Swallow the Leader
   14. The First Wives' Club
   15. The Fly
   16. The French Connection
   17. The Johnson Administration
   18. The Magnificent Semen
   19. The Nine Commandments
   20. Truthless People
   21. White House Guys Can't Hump
   22. ALL THE PRESIDENT'S WOMEN
   23. FREE MY WILLY
   24. GOOD BILL HUNTING
   25. LIAR, LIAR 2
   26. THE LYIN' KING
   27. INTERNS OF ENDEARMENT
   28. THE "VICE" PRESIDENT
   29. AFFAIR TO FORGET
   30. DAYS OF WINE AND BOZOs
   31. SEX, LIES, AND AUDIO TAPE

The Top16 Signs Your White House Internship Is Going Well

16. The President lets you ride on "Air Force One", if you know what I mean.

15. Boss not only implements "Casual Fridays" but also "Topless Tuesdays."

14. You've just leapfrogged Al Gore in the line of succession.

13. "Oooh, yeah, baby -- I'll make you a White House Secretary ... Assistant Chief of Staff... ohhh... Ambassador to
Sweden!... Supreme Court Justice!!! Supreme Court Justice!!!"

12. The President has the Secret Service detail your '91 Taurus.

11. Buddy no longer wastes time sniffing both your crotch and the President's.

10. After your first "meeting" with "The Boss," you move up 2 tax brackets.

9. As if national publicity, a $1M movie deal, and $10M in Democratic hush money wasn't enough, the Paula Jones Foundation
for Homely Women has donated $20K to you for a full makeover.

8. You get to sit on Gore's lap during the State of the Union Address.

7. You know the White House like you know the back of the President's head.

6. Your per diem is bigger than Peru's GNP and your only duty is to keep silent.

5. The first lady invites you on a private ski weekend.

4. The Vice President isn't the only "stiffie" you've seen in the White House.

3. Performance review rated you a "10" in the category "Ability to turn-on the president with your hillbilly good looks."

2. Al Gore's pulse jumps up to3 when you pass by.

and the Number1 Sign Your White House Internship Is Going Well...

1. It ain't Keats, but for Bubba, "Shall I compare thee to a Big Mac" is pretty damn romantic.

President Clinton's Deposition by Dr. Seuss

I are Starr
Starr I Are.

I'm here to ask,
As you'll soon see...
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?
Did you grope her
In your house?
Did you grope
Beneath her blouse?

I did not do that
Here or there...
I did not do that
Anywhere!
I did not do that
Near or far...
I did not do that
Starr-you-are!

Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?
And did you tell
The girl to lie
When called upon
To testify?

I do not like you
Starr-you-are...
I think that you
Have gone too far!
I will not answer
Anymore...
Perhaps I'll go
And start a war!
The public's easy
To distract
When bombs start
Falling on Iraq!

************ Another Version ***************

I am Starr. Starr I are.
I'm a brilliant barri-star.
I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see,
Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?

I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join -- even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One,
So stow your feathers and your tar,
I did not do her Starr you are!

Did you smile?
Did you Flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie,
When called upon to testify?

That is it; you've gone too far!
I do not like you Starr you are!
I will not answer any more!
In fact, I think I'll start a war!
The public's easy to distract,
When bombs are falling on Iraq!